It takes some getting used to – being called a ‘mom’. You’re just your normal self for all your life and then you’re another thing all of a sudden. Like you’re supposed to know and understand this new thing that you are and just ‘be it’.
Maternal instinct is a very real thing and unconditional love for another human being is also a very real thing, but it doesn’t make you automatically know all the ‘mom things’. You don’t always know what to do when the baby is screaming, you don’t know how to rearrange your life around the dysfunction of sleep deprivation, you don’t know how you’re keeping it all together in the chaos. You don’t know if everything you do is the best that is possible for your little human and for yourself and for your marriage and for your career and, and, and…
I finally feel like I’m in a space now where I understand it. A space where I just am a mom without trying to wrap my head around it. It doesn’t define me, but it is me. It’s been in me my whole life. My love for my baby has filled a space that I didn’t know was there to be filled.
I am still me, but now I am a better me.
I’m Luca’s mom.